my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
