Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
