I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
