We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
