he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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