eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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