My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Michael Bay diarrhea
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
