Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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