it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
