I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
