You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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