Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
