You can't motorboat a personality
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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