and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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