you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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