My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
