I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
