Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
