Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
