the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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