how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
