i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
