I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
