just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
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do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
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Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it