i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
3pm strippers are depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.