you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
