im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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