did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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