Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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