I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
