wakey wakey hands off snakey
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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