Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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