I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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