highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
