You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
