I'm drive I can fine osifer
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
