There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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