I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
