____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
