i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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