I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me i tasted like america
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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