i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
