And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
