just come out here and I will go home with you...
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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