I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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