508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
