Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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