Sry I called you an 8
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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