Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
so much tequila, so little girl.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
