I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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