I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
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I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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