There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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