babies were throwing up all over the place
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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