Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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