I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
what the fuck happened to the tacos
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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