It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
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Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
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Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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