Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
