Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
