i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Boobs are out for the taking
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
