I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
