I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
