So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
