Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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