OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
